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Daddy is trying really fugging hard to think of a not-terrifying reason why you'd wake Daddy up in the middle of the night to ask that fugging questio...more

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There are times when it is appropriate, even preferable, to get an erection when someone's face is in close proximity to your penis.This was not one o...more

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Right, well, he'd been sick for a while and his nurse said to him, 'You seem to be feeling better this morning,' and Isben looked at her and said, 'On...more

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I'm really not up for answering any questions that start with how, when, where, why or what.

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I don't understand why you're so obsessed with figuring out everything that happens here, like we have to unravel every mystery.

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I’m really not up for answering any questions that start with how, when, where, why, or what.

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We were kissing.I thought: This is good.I thought: I am not bad at this kissing. Not bad at all.I thought: I am clearly the greatest kisser in the his...more

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She's cute, I thought, but you don't need to like a girl who treats you like you're ten: You've already got a mom.

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More than anything, I felt the unfairness of it, the inarguable injustice of loving someonewho might have loved you back but can't due to deadness, an...more

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She'd obviously read the book many times before, and so she read flawlessly and confidently, and I could hear her smile in the reading of it, and the ...more

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She has great breasts," the Colonel said without looking up from the whale."DO NOT OBJECTIFY WOMEN'S BODIES!" Alaska shouted.Now he looked up. "Sorry....more

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That deep, can-still-taste-her-in-my-mouth sleep.

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The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive

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They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

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It's not because I want to make out with her."Hold on." He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he'd just made a mathematical br...more