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I have lived a long life and had many troubles, most of which never happened

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If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

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A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

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Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.

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If a cat sits on a hot stove, that cat won't sit on a hot stove again. That cat won't sit on a cold stove either. That cat just don't like stoves.

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Now, then, that is the tale. Some of it is true.

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The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

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Herodotus says, "Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen at all: the conscientious historian will correct these defects.

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A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

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The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.

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The thing for us to do is just to do our duty, and not worry about whether anybody sees us do it or not.

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A wise man does not waste so good a commodity as lying for naught.

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Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

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This nation is like all the others that have been spewed upon the earth--ready to shout for any cause that will tickle its vanity or fill its pocket. ...more

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If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.