I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
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I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!
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The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.
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I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.
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Heaven is by favor; if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made (man) is the most detestable. Of t...
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I've never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.
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We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove li...
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A wise man does not waste so good a commodity as lying for naught.
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It is by the goodness of god that in our country we have those 3 unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the pruden...
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Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
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When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.
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An honest politician is an oxymoron.
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Conservatism is the blind and fear-filled worship of dead radicals.
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A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razorstrap. A thing book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat a...
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It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.
