"

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work I want to achieve it through not dying.

"

Life doesn't imitate art it imitates bad television.

"

Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!

"

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

"

If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.

"

Ninety percent of living is just showing up.

"

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

"

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.

"

All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

"

I do not believe in an afterlife although I am bringing a change of underwear.

"

You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.

"

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

"

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

"

One must have one's delusions to live. If you look at life too honestly and clearly, life becomes unbearable because it's a pretty grim enterprise, yo...more

"

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.