I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.
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There's an old, frequently-used definition of insanity, which is "performing the same action over and over, expecting different results."... Now, I'm ...
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Jesus is great -- is there a better role model? No. It's religion, it's the people who get in between -- the bureaucracy, you know. ... It's the way p...
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I think religion is a neurological disorder.
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The Bible looks like it started out as a game of mad libs.
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To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I agree'.
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New Rule: Stop asking Miss USA contestants if they believe in evolution. It’s not their field. It’s like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair...
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You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won the world history Powerball lotte...
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That's not water. That's socialism juice. We should bomb Lake Erie.
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Every day in America is a day with a shooting.
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Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I’ll be damned if Rick Perry didn’t take me up on that.
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I don't want to say Monsanto is evil right off the bat, but why is Monsanto so evil?
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I don't ridicule religion, it ridicules itself.
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Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?
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And, corny as it may sound, I do cherish the bond between me and the audience, the minority that follows my stuff and always makes me glad it's us aga...
