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The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of graceful and gilded forms of charitable and uns...more

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Wherever he found his speech growing too modern -- which was about every sentence or two -- he ladled in a few such Scriptural phrases as "exceeding s...more

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It don't make no difference whether you do right or wrong, a person's conscience ain't got no sense, and just goes for him anyway.

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You can't pray a lie--I found that out.

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You gwyne to have considerable trouble in yo' life, en considerable joy. Sometimes you gwyne to git hurt, en sometimes you gwyne to git sick; but ever...more

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Looking' his last' upon the scene of his former joys and his later sufferings, and wishing 'she' could see him now, abroad on the wild sea, facing per...more

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Tom Sawyer the Pirate looked around upon the envying juveniles about him and confessed in his heart that this was the proudest moment of his life.

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No country can be well governed unless its citizens as a body keep religiously before their minds that they are the guardians of the law, and that the...more

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Loose and forbear!

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Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

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Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

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In religion and politics people’s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities wh...more

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The source of all humor is not laughter, but sorrow.

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If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times.

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Heaven is by favor; if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made (man) is the most detestable. Of t...more