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He only drinks when he gets depressed,' said Carrot. 'Why does he get depressed?' 'Sometimes it's because he hasn't had a drink.

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There's one thing you can say for air pollution, you get utterly amazing sunrises.

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You see a wile, you thwart. Am I right?

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The land around Ankh-Morpork is fertile and largely given over to the cabbage fields that help to give the city its distinctive odor.The gray light of...more

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Cats, Dog considered, were clearly a lot tougher than lost souls

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Er, excuse me,' said the man as Nanny Ogg turned away, 'but what is that on your shoulders?''It's. . . a fur collar,' said Nanny.'Excuse me, but I jus...more

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The only things known to go faster than ordinary light is monarchy, according to the philosopher Ly Tin Weedle. He reasoned like this: you can't have ...more

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It seems that when you have cancer you are a brave battler against the disease, but when you have Alzheimer's you are an old fart. That's how people s...more

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Of course, to be fair, that was a parent's job. The world was so full of sharp bends that if they didn't put a few twists in you, you wouldn't stand a...more

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IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT /MEANT/ TO BE SAFE.

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Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.

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I staggered into a Manchester bar late one night on a tour and the waitress said "You look as if you need a Screaming Orgasm". At the time this was th...more

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Luck is my middle name," said Rincewind, indistinctly. "Mind you, my first name is Bad.

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Death: "THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN ALCOHOL, ALBERT."Albert: "Oh, yes, sir. But alcohol sort of compensates for not getting them.

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The wizards were civilized men of considerable education and culture. When faced with being inadvertently marooned on a desert island they understood ...more