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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake - which I also keep handy.

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We frequently hear of people dying from too much drinking. That this happens is a matter of record. But the blame almost always is placed on whisky. W...more

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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

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I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

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Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

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Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.