Comedy Quotes

To see a man slip on a banana skin is to see a rationally structured system suddenly translated into...

It could be worse... It could be raining

I'm sorry, but I can't make a movie with the blonde from 'ER' who is starring in every single bad ro...

The male is always the pawn in a romantic comedy. Come together, break up, go chase her, get her, ro...

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

Magna Carta has become totemic. It is in the comedy of Tony Hancock, in the poetry of Kipling, never...

I think in life, the sense of humor and comedy always exists.

The duty of comedy is to correct men by amusing them.

There's a glorious sense of freedom in comedy, just allowing myself to tell jokes, allowing myself t...

The house in the story is based on my friend Tori's house in Kinsale, Ireland, which is obviously no...

I'm in the mood for another Moonstruck experience, for another romantic comedy.

Humanity is a comic role.

Was that tragedy? Or was that comedy? Was there really any difference?

JACKYou're quite perfect, Miss Fairfax.GWENDOLENOh! I hope I am not that. It would leave no room for...

Bicky rocked, like a jelly in a high wind.

Morning, Bill,' said Lord Tidmouth agreeably.'Go to hell!' said Bill.'Right-ho,' said his lordship.

Water!' cried Marie.'Vinegar!' recommended the bell-boy.'Eu-de-Cologne!' said Bill.'Pepper!' said Lo...

Squiffy, have you ever felt a sort of strange emptiness in the heart? A sort of aching void of the s...

Excuse me, I must go and putt

If you don't want me to attend the patient I'll go.''But she can't see a doctor now.''Why not?''She ...

I couldn't have made a better shot, if I had been one of those detectives who see a chap walking alo...

I've gotten very cynical and kind of anhedonic about all the things I have to do to get to do comedy...

I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible...

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious

It really seems to me that in the midst of great tragedy, there is always the horrible possibility t...

I like to see love stories: romantic comedy or romantic drama.

If I had to design a career for myself, I would have done comedy.

Cause if you shoot a bullet someone dies. If you drop a bomb many die. You hit a woman, love dies. B...

I gave you three proofs of witchcraft. A cat that drinks blood! A horse that talks! And a man who pr...

The verdict of this court is that the accused are guilty of witchcraft. The maximum penalty the law ...

Percy, you are dismissed from my service.""Me? Why, my lord?""Why? Because, Percy, far from being a ...

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're...

I think the reason I choose the comic approach so often is because it's harder, therefore affording ...

There are many other little refinements too, Mr. Bohlen. You'll see them all when you study the plan...

Outwardly, I hope, I wear my usual mask of detachment, even irony, for there has never been a situat...

I started doing comedy because that was the only stage that I could find. It was the pure idea of be...

I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.

If a movie isn't a hit right out of the gate, they drop it. Which means that the whole mainstream Ho...

All I know how to do is take what's on my mind and spit it out funny. I don't know what else I could...

Scotland needs comedy more than ever. With the independence debate, finally after 300 years, reachin...

Over the road there was a church: a modern gray building, which constantly played a recording of chu...

Usually comedy is only available to us ladies in the romantic comedy. That's why I hate romantic com...

Some guys step on a rake in the dark, and get mad and go punch somebody. Others step on a rake in th...

(On his gravestone): "I told you I was ill".

When my mother passed away several years ago—well, wait a minute. Actually, she didn’t ‘pass away.’ ...

Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

I did stand-up comedy for 18 years. Ten of those years were spent learning, four years were spent re...

Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty.

...teaching is, after all, a form of show business.

Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.

Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.

Did you slip in some cheese? Did it make you hate cheese, which you had previously loved? Why not su...

My grandad always said, "You should never judge a book by its cover." And it's for that reason that ...

What's happened is somewhere, along the line, as a society, we confused the notion of 'home' with th...

When I tell people I'm a comedian they say, 'Oh, are you funny?' I say, 'No, it's not that kind of c...

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much r...

No enemies had ever taken Ankh-Morpork. Well technically they had, quite often; the city welcomed fr...

Take the universe and grind it down to the finest powder and sieve it through the finest sieve and t...

...Whenever someone says to me, 'Jerry Lewis says women aren't funny,' or 'Christopher Hitchens says...

[T]he definition of 'crazy' in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to...

That night's show was watched by ten million people, so I guess that director at The Second City who...

Only in comedy, by the way, does an obedient white girl from the suburbs count as diversity

I was walking home alone from school and I was wearing a dress. A dude drove by and yelled, "Nice ti...

So, to sum up my room-clearing generalizations, men are in comedy to break rules.

The first rule of improvisation is AGREE. Always agree and SAY YES. When you're improvising, this me...

The second rule of improvisation is not only to say yes, but YES, AND. You are supposed to agree and...

Anytime there's a bad female stand-up somewhere, some dickhead Interblogger will deduce that “women ...

You all watched a sketch about feminism and you didn't even know it because of all the jokes. It's l...

I would call it a comedy variety show. We have some people just doing straight standup. We usually t...

IF A THING IS WORTH HAVING, ITS WORTH CHEATING FOR.

Anyone who is considered funny will tell you, sometimes without even your asking, that deep inside t...

Poetry is only the highest eloquence of passion, the most vivid form of expression that can be given...

I like the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life.

Tragedy and comedy involve an audience, so they must give--sharing themselves to elicit tears and la...

You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker,

I like romantic comedy as a genre, but I think it can get stuck in its ways.

under the gold standard, a free banking system stands as the protector of an economy's stability and...

My brothers were funny, and there was a lot of shtick and comedy and nastiness and violence and figh...

Doing comedy for a living is, in a lot of ways, like a pony and a camel trying to escape from the zo...

Debbie Downer" was one of the few sketches where I broke, and I remember watching Heratio Sanz laugh...

These days, you could stage a three-point orgy in the garden and nobody would bat an eye...

Comedy is tragedy that happens to other people.

Come here, let me share a bit of wisdom with you.Have you given much thought to our mortal condition...

Come here, let me share a bit of wisdom with you.Have you given much thought to our mortal condition...

DEATH. . .And now you are here to fight for this woman.You know her promise is given.She has to die ...

Comedy too can sometimes discern what is right.

What can you answer? Now be careful, don’t arouse my spite, Or with my slipper I’ll take you napping...

The life of every individual, viewed as a whole and in general, and when only its most significant f...

And because she worshipped joy, Kira seldom laughed and did not go to see comedies in theaters. And ...

That's why ears have cartilage, to keep them from flapping.

It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful.

Here is my final point. About drugs, about alcohol, about pornography and smoking and everything els...

I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, 'What's wrong?' Nothing. 'Well, it tak...

You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that...

The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they’ve never laughed at, and ...

I'm not into those kind of rivalries. I remember standing out in front of Stratford, minding my own ...

Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm ...

To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll...