Satire Quotes

Most men are not wicked... They are sleep-walkers, not evil evildoers.

Incidentally, it’s easy to write prescriptions, but difficult to come to an understanding with peopl...

The robots came bearing a gift and the name of it was "Plenty."Plenty is a habit-forming drug. You d...

[On school uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now the...

Processions, meetings, military parades, lectures, waxwork displays, film shows, telescreen programs...

TWO AND TWO MAKES FIVE

I merely repeat, remember always your duty of enmity towards Man and all his ways. Whatever goes upo...

This work was strictly voluntary, but any animal who absented himself from it would have his rations...

The animals were happy as they had never conceived it possible to be. Every mouthful of food was an ...

Windmill or no windmill, he said, life would go on as it had always gone on--that is, badly.

American political culture quickly and always outpaces any attempt to satirize it.

I believe in Supreme Being, a Creator, whoever he may be, it's of no importance to me, who put us he...

Uh, excuse me, sir, I, uh, don't known how to uh, to uh, tell you this, but you were three minutes l...

They who suspect a Mephistophiles, or sneering, satirical devil, under all, have not learned the sec...

The effort really to see and really to represent is no idle business in face of the constant force t...

Tides are like politics. They come and go with a great deal of fuss and noise, but inevitably they l...

You are very fond of bending little minds; but where little minds belong to rich people in authority...

Nobody could catch cold by the sea; nobody wanted appetite by the sea; nobody wanted spirits; nobody...

After having so nobly disentangled themselves from the shackles of Parental Authority, by a Clandest...

Sophia shrieked and fainted on the ground – I screamed and instantly ran mad. We remained thus mutua...

Our time was most delightfully spent, in mutual Protestations of Freindship, and in vows of unaltera...

She is probably by this time as tired of me, as I am of her; but as she is too Polite and I am too c...

Dear Eloisa (said I) there’s no occasion for your crying so much about such a trifle. (for I was wil...

Provided that nothing like useful knowledge could be gained from them, provided they were all story ...

I was only hit on once at the grocery store. I remember it was early one Saturday morning and I was ...

Going into the Republican Party National Convention, in all objective truth, our non‑winning front‑r...

Mitt Romney's first interview with Zombie Reagan: Mitt Romney came in with cheerful assurance, beca...

Where did you find construction guys swapping dirty jokes in proto-Númenorean?” Aura asked.“On const...

That Reagan shaped mechanical gadget in the metal box that made you jump like a little sissy boy, Jo...

Of course you would, Mitt," Reagan said. "Well, I’m glad we understand each other, and I think your ...

... they only trusted the wisdom of people brighter and more worldly than themselves when it was exp...

I tossed my shoulders and swaggered away, whistling with pleasure. In the gutter I saw a long cigare...

So you've been gone a couple days,' Alison said. 'Hmm, what'd you miss...A celebrity did drugs. Poli...

Is my paranoia getting completely out of hand, or are you mongoloids really talking about me?

Mr Kingsley begins then by exclaiming- 'O the chicanery, the wholesale fraud, the vile hypocrisy, th...

Yet, Malice never was his Aim;He lash'd the Vice but spar'd the Name. No individual could resent,Whe...

When the world has once begun to use us ill, it afterwards continues the same treatment with less sc...

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy ch...

I have one word to say upon the subject of profound writers, who are grown very numerous of late; an...

But by what I have gathered from your own relation, and the answers I have with much pains wrung and...

I replied that England (the dear place of my nativity) was computed to produce three times the quant...

Oh well," McWatt sang, "what the hell.

It doesn't matter whether they mean it or not. That's why they make little kids pledge allegiance ev...

Fortunately the essence of this revelation did not escape Mary despite the angel's obscure speech, a...

It is a foible of our human nature that when we have an extremely unpleasant experience, it gives us...

[representative government is] deciding once in three or six years which member of the ruling class ...

A lot of people come up here and they thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had...

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to sa...

I think the very best attitude for anyone investing in the stock market is to make up his mind to lo...

There are worse things than eating the dead, my dear fellow. Far worse things. There is, for instanc...

Tribal Chief 1: The will of the people is what is best. That is what democracy meansTribal Chief 2: ...

World opinion, though sharply divided on nuclear tests and the risk of atmospheric pollution, could ...

Yea” might be turned into “Nay” and vice versa if a sufficient quantity of wordage was applied to th...

Miss New Mexico stared, dumbfounded. "Stand out? Stand out? I have a freaking tray stuck in my foreh...

-"He loved her...It was noble of him. It was beautiful."-"It was stupid.

The Open Road goes to the used-car lot.

Well, really, how would you like to make love with someone who kept twittering about his pure mystic...

You have a faculty for defining the simplest in terms of the grandiose, so that a poor devil like me...

Have a little sociological beano. As you said - in sociology one can do anything and call it work.

An honest politician is an oxymoron.

He would be a consul no doubt by and by, at some foreign port, of the language of which he was ignor...

When majority is insane, sane must go to asylum.

Man is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't ...

An oyster has hardly any more reasoning power than a scientist has; and so it it is reasonably certa...

I satirize at all times, and my hyperboles are as nothing compared to the events to which they refer...

The universe is a million billion light-years wide, and every inch of it would kill you if you went ...

I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.

She looked at her note cards and took a breath. "Why I Love America, by Hayley McDonald's. America i...

Fifteen years ago, this would have been insider trading, but that quaint concept had disappeared a d...

If they projected the fact that they are dangerous any harder, there would be little puddles of "dan...

He has the memory of a convict, the balls of a fireman, and the eyesight of a housebreaker. When the...

I suppose that in no educational institution can one become an educated person.

The problem with you khakis is that you have started believing your own nonsense.

He won’t stop the war until you give him the peace prize.

Get some sleep, Secretary General, get some sleep. Revolution can wait till the morning.

Let me put it this way. Canada is not so much a country as a holding tank filled with the disgruntle...

Ernst was still in the Eastern Zone, about ninety kilometres from Berlin, when the truck emerged so ...

Here you will meet singular side-whiskers, tucked with extraordinary and amazing art under the neckt...

He was no stranger to compassion: his heart was open to many good impulses, though his rank often pr...

Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman

Actors are so fortunate. They can choose whether they will appear in tragedy or in comedy, whether t...

Oh, I hate the cheap severity of abstract ethics!

They have been eating muffins. That looks like repentance.

He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.

Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy's Russian peasant...

hobos' (a slang term that combines the words 'hope' and 'bowl of beans given to me for free by a wom...

At my lowest point, when things were at their most desperate and uncomfortable, I always found mysel...

Women, when they kill themselves, choose far more romantic methods - like slashing their wrists or t...

The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.

I gave you three proofs of witchcraft. A cat that drinks blood! A horse that talks! And a man who pr...

The verdict of this court is that the accused are guilty of witchcraft. The maximum penalty the law ...

Percy, you are dismissed from my service.""Me? Why, my lord?""Why? Because, Percy, far from being a ...

Why, on to the castle, to kill the royal family, and claim the throne that isn't mine by right!

I have considered the impudent accusations of Mr Dawkins with exasperation at his lack of serious sc...

A fig for those by law protected!Liberty's a glorious feast!Courts for cowards were erected,Churches...

People say satire is dead. It's not dead it's alive and living in the White House.

Does it stand, but not straight enough? Is there a bend in the tool? Leaning left like the Marxist-L...

Boggle with sex addicts is up there with go-kart racing with junkies.

You'll have to leave my meals on a tray outside the door because I'll beworking pretty late on the s...

A question I have often asked is, ‘What would an inoffensive political cartoon look like?’ What woul...